How to show your husband you appreciate him

Got a wonderful husband but feel you don’t let him know that enough? Here’s how to show your husband you appreciate him.

A suprisingly large number of us feel like we don’t show our husband’s enough appreciation.

I know that when I see my husband has made the bed, while most of me is grateful, a small part of me wonders if he tucked in the bottom sheet enough because there’s nothing that drives me crazier in bed (in a bad way) than having a loose bottom sheet with wrinkles in it.

That small part of me has an annoyingly loud voice, and the next thing you know, I’m asking him if he did it, rather than saying, Thank you. I appreciate it.

And then that makes me feel bad, because I’ve done single life and I know its much more challenging having to do all the things on your own and that making the bed is a chore I hate.

Bottom line, appreciating your husband is an essential element in any thriving marriage.

It fosters a deeper emotional connection, maintains mutual respect, and simply makes both partners feel valued and loved.

Why it’s important to show appreciation to your husband

If you’re wondering why showing appreciation should be more on your radar, here’s why.

1. Fosters connection: Taking a moment to acknowledge the positive attributes or actions of your husband strengthens the emotional bond between both of you.
2. Promotes positivity: Regularly expressing gratitude can create a more positive environment, steering away from criticisms and negativity. In addition, if we look at research, to have a thriving relationship couple needs five positive interactions to every negative one (source). Yes, that means if you both want to feel happy in your marriage, for every one negative comment, you need to make five positive ones to make up for it.
3. Boosts self-worth: When someone feels appreciated, it boosts their confidence and reinforces their value in the relationship.
4. Encourages continuation: By showing appreciation for the good things your husband does, you encourage the continuation of those behaviors. You want him to keep making the bed, right?

Reasons you don’t show appreciation to your husband

Before you start feeling bad about yourself, there’s many reasons why you may not show the appreciation you feel (or worse, you may not feel appreciative).

By identifying them, you’re taking the first step in deciding if and how you want to change them.

1. Taking for granted: The simplest reason is that we get used to things being done. As the relationship matures, many of us get comfortable and often take our partners for granted. We don’t notice the continued presence of something (for example, doing a load of washing every day) rather the absence of something (when he does’;t do it because life got in the way and now we don’t have our favorite pair of comfy pants).
2. Busy lifestyles: Overloaded schedules can sometimes mean that moments of appreciation get sidelined. In addition, when we’re in the weeds ourselves, it can be difficult to see what others are doing.
3. Lack of effective communication: Without proper communication skills, expressing appreciation can become a challenge.
4. Holding onto past resentments: Holding onto past mistakes or arguments can cloud our ability to see the positive (if this is the case, you may want to investigate marriage counseling)

When to show appreciation to your husband

One simple solution to 3 and 4 in particular is to formalize the “when” you show appreciation. One simple way to do this is to have a weekly relationship meeting. This meetig provides a strutured framework for keeping your relationship running smoothly and includes acknoelwdging things your partner has done in the last week that you’re grateful for.

Another option is to set the intention for showing appreciation. Our brain (through the reticular activating system) has the amazing ability to almost seek out what we decide (subconciously or not) to pay attention to.

Decide that 5 times a day, you will notice what your husband has done that you appreciate and acknowledge it.

You can reinforce this by making a list at the end of the day of the five things.

A final option is to set a timer to remind yourself or tie your showing of appreciation to key times of day, for example, after dinner.

This may seem artificial at first, but with regular practice, it will become second nature.

How to show your husband you appreciate him using the love languages

Of course knowing the why and the when still doesn’t show us how to show appreciation to your husband.

Saying “thank you” all the time can get a little boring, right?

This is where we turn to the experts.

Gary Chapman’s five love languages gives insights into how individuals perceive love and affection. Knowing what your love language is, and that of your partner, can have a significant impact on the happiness you both experience in a relationship.

And by understanding your husband’s primary love language, you can tailor your appreciation to resonate most effectively.

Here’s some examples.

Words of affirmation:

Words of affirmation is about using your words (written or spoken) to affirm your partner.

1. Example: Instead of just saying “Thanks for cooking,” you might say, “You put so much effort into making this meal. It’s one of the many reasons I love you.”
2. Tips: Regularly leaving handwritten notes of affirmation for your husband or sending unexpected texts to acknowledge his qualities can be deeply impactful

Check out words of affirmation for him for more ideas.

Acts of service

Acts of service is about doing something for your husband rather than him doing it for himself.

• Example: If your husband has had a tiring week, you might wake up earlier one day and handle some of his morning chores, like walking the dog or making breakfast.
• Tips: Listen to his complaints. If he always mentions hating a specific chore, offering to do it for him once in a while is a way of showing your appreciation.

Check out acts of service for couples for more ideas.

Receiving gifts

• Example: Suppose he mentioned a book he’s interested in a few weeks ago. You could surprise him with it on a regular evening, showing you remembered and thought of him.
• Tips: It doesn’t always have to be a purchased gift. Handmade gifts or even bringing home his favorite snack can speak volumes.

Quality time

Quality time is about spending time together without distractions or interruptions.

• Example: Set aside a night where you both switch off phones, make a homemade dinner, and play board games or watch romantic movies together. Make sure to tell him you’re doing this to show your appreciation of him.
• Tips: It’s about being present. Quality over quantity. Even dedicating 20 minutes of undistracted conversation can be valuable.

Check out quality time ideas for couples.

Physical Touch

Physical touch is about using touch to connect.

• Example: Holding his hand or initiating cuddling while you mention how much you appreciate him makes the message even stronger for physical touch people.
• Tips: Remember, this isn’t just about intimacy. Simple touches, like a pat on the back or a lingering hug, can be affirming.

Check out physical touch ideas for him.

How to show appreciation to your husband using Gottman’s Sound Relationship House theory

John Gottman’s sound relationship house theory presents seven components for a strong relationship. Integrating these into your marriage can pave the way for consistent appreciation:

Build love maps

Understand your husband’s world, his concerns, hopes, and joys. The more you know him, the more personalized your appreciation can be.

• Example: Ask him about a problem he often mentions, showing you remember and value the details of his life.
• Tips: Have regular ‘get to know each other again’ dates, where you ask questions you might not have thought about in years.

Share fondness and admiration

Remind yourself of the qualities you admire in your husband and voice them out regularly.

• Example: Share with him a memory that always makes you smile, emphasizing what role he played in it.
• Tips: Create a shared journal where you write down things you admire about each other and read it when times are tough.

Turn towards instead of away

Engage in small connective moments daily. A shared laugh or a brief chat can go a long way.

• Example: If he’s excitedly talking about an article he read, instead of nodding absentmindedly, engage genuinely with questions or thoughts.
• Tips: Recognize and respond to his ‘bids’ for attention, even if they seem mundane. These are small moments where he’s reaching out.

The positive perspective

Adopt a positive view of your husband. By doing this, you’re more likely to express appreciation spontaneously.

• Example: Instead of criticizing him for forgetting something, approach it with humor or light-heartedness.
• Tips: Start conversations with a soft start rather than an accusatory tone.

Manage conflict

Address disagreements constructively, ensuring they don’t overshadow the many reasons you appreciate him.

• Example: If you’re disagreeing on something, take a deep breath, and instead of reacting, say, “Can you help me understand your perspective?”
• Tips: Use the ‘repair and de-escalate’ technique when conflicts arise. Recognize when things are getting heated and have signals or phrases to pause and regroup. In addition, both ask yourselves what the other person has done to try and improve this situation and verbalize it.

Make life dreams come true

Support his dreams and aspirations. Showing that you care about his ambitions is a profound act of appreciation.

• Example: If he’s always talked about learning photography, surprise him with a basic class or join him in learning.
• Tips: Regularly discuss and check in on each other’s dreams and goals, no matter how big or small.

Create shared meaning

Build a shared narrative of your lives. Recounting memories and celebrating milestones together can foster mutual appreciation.

• Example: Mention a special memory you share and talk about the role he played in creating it.
• Tips: Dive into deeper conversations about your shared values, aspirations, and legacies you want to leave behind.

Remember, while these are structured frameworks, the most genuine acts of appreciation often come from a place of deep understanding and empathy. Tailor these examples and tips to best fit your relationship dynamics.

Showing appreciation to your husband isn’t a one and done deal. It’s an ongoing journey.

Recognizing why showing appreciation is important, understanding what might get in the way and using ideas and tips from top marriage books to consistently convey your gratitude will not only enrich your marriage but ensure you both feel respect and love.

You might also like: 200 positive relationship affirmations.