Want to know the secret to staying close to your husband when life is keeping you apart? The answer can be found in these 10 quick ways to connect with your spouse.
From the moment you wake up, until you crawl back to bed, chances are you’re going non-stop.
Whether it’s taking your teen for a driving lesson, cooking a delicious AND nutritious meal, or finishing that urgent report, there’s always more to be done.
Little wonder you let out a half-scream when you get into bed, only to discover the strange man beside you is your husband.
You’d be forgiven for forgetting – it seems you only meet every 24 hours when you’re too tired to think straight, let alone engage in any form of meaningful connection.
But this way of living is a mistake. A successful marriage gives you increased daily happiness and significant life satisfaction – and you can’t do successful when you’re like ships passing in the night.
So here are 10 simple ways to connect with your spouse today – ways that don’t require much time, money or effort- but will help you feel closer.
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Have morning cuddles
How many of you have a morning that starts with the alarm blaring, and is rapidly followed by one of you staggering to the toilet while the other lies blurry-eyed staring at the ceiling?
The rushed start to the day sets the tone for everything that follows.
Here’s another idea.
Have two alarms. We don’t have our phones in our room so this works for us by our old fashioned alarm clock and my Fitbit.
Set the alarms for 5 minutes apart.
When the first alarm goes off, cuddle each other.
When the second alarm goes off, get out of bed.
Those five minutes physically connecting are a lovely way to start the day. (And it’s made even easier if you do the 10th tip, although if you do so, I won’t be responsible for what happens next).
Send a message
After you and your spouse say your goodbyes for the day, it can often be the case that you don’t connect again until you’re both at home.
Make it a case in point to touch base at least once during the day.
Whether it’s a text, email, or even a post it note you hid in with his lunch, let him know you’re thinking of him.
It doesn’t have to be long – literally Thinking of you will suffice.
(If you left home before saying goodbye, you can also send a good morning love message).
Look up and light up
I just love this marriage tip from The Dating Divas.
Before I tell you what it is, let me describe a scenario.
Your husband gets home from work. You were back 30 minutes ago, so you’re already starting dinner.
He walks in the door, you grunt a hello, and then continue with peeling the carrots.
Instead of making this moment – this moment that marks the two of you reconnecting after a long day – a non-event, instead look up and light up.
What that means is stop what you’re doing and look up at your partner, making eye contact.
Smile when you do so – let your face light up with pleasure that you two are together again.
Practicing look up and light up only takes 2 seconds but will instantly make you feel more connected to your spouse AND make him feel more connected to you.
Ask a question
Nothing makes a person feel less appreciated or more taken for granted than having their loved one express absolutely no interest in their life.
Once you have shown your partner how happy you are for you both to be together again, then ask him a question about their day.
Try get beyond, “How was your day,” too because chances are after you say that you will abruptly tune out.
Ask him something specific – about the coworker that’s been driving him crazy, or the meeting he was preparing for last night.
Or you can learn more about him by asking these questions for couples.
Take his side
You know when your kids came home from school and they talked about how the teacher was so mean and picked on them all day long?
And because you made it part of your job to teach your kids to see other perspectives and to be reflective, you got them to consider what might have been going on beyond Miss Honeybutt making it her life’s mission to punish them?
Sometimes I think we take this good parenting advice and slap it on to our marriage, where frankly it’s not needed.
Your husband doesn’t need to hear that maybe the boss was having a rough day because his wife just left him.
He just needs to hear that you agree he’s an asshole.
Make it a point to take his side and agree with him when he’s blowing off steam about his day.
Give a compliment
When was the last time your husband walked in to the room and you commented how hot they look?
Or that they made a great job of dinner?
Or that you’re proud of how they handled a tough situation?
A compliment is a quick way to connect with your spouse that leaves you both feeling good.
If you’re struggling to think of what to say, try these words of affirmation for him.
Share a memory
Another quick win in the connection stakes is to simply remind your spouse of a fond memory you both share.
Maybe it was your first date or a special anniversary – but it can equally be something simple.
For example, over two years ago now my husband and I drove to a garden nursery two hours from here that was having a massive sale. We bought about 50 camellias to plant along the front fence of our property (we have a large section in the country). We drove home and the next day planted them all.
The plants have almost become a hedge and this year many of them are flowering. It’s easy to look out the window and say, “Look at how those camellias are growing. Do you remember how we…”
This works because it also hooks into the feelings of us working as a team to achieve a common goal.
(Here’s some marriage goals for you to check out too).
Plan a memory
Of course, the next logical step from that is to plan something that will make a future memory.
It’s easy to segue straight from the previous conversation – in my example to be something like, “How about we go get some trees for the back corner and plant them this weekend?”
Or, “Remember the time we went to the escape room with Jack and Kristin? That was so much fun – how about I call them and we see if they want to try another one?”
It can be anything from working on your home together to going on a date.
What’s important is that you both commit to spending some intentional time together.
Touch him
Even if your love language is not physical touch, there’s a magic number of touches a day that will make you both feel connected to each other (you can find out the amount by downloading the KISS connection – click on the image below).
Try increasing the amount of physical touch in your marriage until you hit the magic amount.
And we’re not talking full on gropes here – just simple hugs, kisses and strokes are all that’s needed.
Sleep naked
If you’re in the position to sleep naked, then I highly recommend it as a quick way to connect.
When you cuddle in bed, regardless if it’s the start of something or just a goodnight snuggle, being naked allows you to feel physically close to your spouse.
There’s not much better than the feeling of their warm skin against yours.
Summing up
Whether it’s physically connecting in the morning, taking time to contact each other during the day, or planning for fun times ahead, any or all of these 10 quick ways to connect with your spouse can get you started on your journey back to each other.