Intimate questions to ask your partner

If you’re wanting a conversation that helps you bond with your loved one, then try these 100 intimate questions to ask your partner.

Intimacy is a beautiful word. It immediately makes you think of being close and connected, warm and cozy.

The intimacy we share with our partner is what keeps us bonded to each other. The more intimate we are, the closer and more comfortable we feel.

But sometimes that intimacy feels close to non-existent – like you are very much an island.

9 times out of 10, this has less to do with you as a couple and more to do with your life circumstances (work, the kids, stuff around home).

And even if that is the case, getting back to that intimate state can be challenging.

These 100 questions to deepen intimacy are designed to help you bond with your partner in a way that’s structured. This is to help you get past any awkward moments or the dilemma of simply not knowing how and where to start.

(If you’re keen on asking each other questions every 6 months to assess the state of your relationship OR are about to enter a new stage of your relationship such as getting married, having children, becoming empty nesters or retiring, you might also like these relationship questions. If you feel you need something more than that, you might like to try these questions to ask your spouse to reconnect).

When you’re asking these questions, however, don’t rattle them all off at once. Take the time to ask and to really listen, and then think about how that response could be used to make your relationship stronger, better.

(You might also like these How well do you know me questions).

Also try to keep an open and non-defensive mind. While that can be super hard, especially when considering some of the physically intimate questions, all that’s going to achieve the opposite of making you closer.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, these intimate questions to ask your partner are broken up into three sections based on the types of intimacy you can have in a marriage: physical intimacy, emotional intimacy and experiential intimacy (source).

(You can also have intellectual intimacy in a marriage but those are questions we will save for another day!).

Emotionally intimate questions to ask your partner

These questions are focused around emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy is when you feel okay being vulnerable, even when disclosing information or feelings makes you feel a little uncomfortable.

Here, several of the questions are about your relationship as well.

1. What emotions were you feeling before we physically met for the first time?
2. What were you hoping for when we first met?
3. What were your first impressions of me?
4. What personal quality were you most attracted to?
5. How did you know that you wanted to be with me?
6. What’s your favorite memory of me?
7. What’s your biggest concern about our relationship?
8. When did you know we’d make it as a couple?
9. What’s the best thing we’ve got going for us as a couple?
10. What dreams do you have for us as a couple?
11. Whose relationship do you most admire and why?
12. If you made our 5 most challenging moments where we succeeded together into a highlight reel, what would those moments be?
13. How could we improve how we handle conflict?
14. If our relationship was a book or movie, which one would it be?
15. What’s something you’ve wanted to tell me but never felt able to?
16. What kind of things make it hard for you to sleep at night?
17. What’s one thing you wouldn’t tolerate from me?
18. What could I do to make you feel really listened to?
19. What do you need from me when you feel upset?
20. What do you need from me when you feel stressed or overwhelmed?
21. How can we handle it if we’re both having a bad day?
22. What do you need from me that you’re not getting?
23. How should we handle it if our families cause issues in our relationship?
24. What makes you feel at peace?
25. Who comforted you as a child?
26. Who has seriously hurt you in your life?
27. When do you feel most secure?
28. How happy are you with our finances right now?
29. How happy are you with how we manage our finances?
30. How would you like me to break bad news?
31. What would be the best way to tell you great news?
32. What are you most grateful for in our lives together?
33. What did you learn from past relationships that make you a better partner now?
34. What experiences do you wish had never happened in your life?
35. What past mistakes do you struggle to forgive yourself for?
36. What things in your life have made you feel most proud?
37. To whom do you feel you belong?
38. How do you feel about your relationship with your family?
39. How could we reconnect if we started feeling isolated from each other?
40. Who would you go to for help if you needed it?
41. What’s something that didn’t work out that crushed you at the time but now you’re grateful for?
42. What’s been the best “happy accident” of your life?
43. What has been the biggest failure in your life to date and has it affected your life?
44. How do you like to celebrate success?
45. What has been the biggest success in your life to date?
46. What would scare you the most to lose?
47. If you didn’t have to work, how would you spend your time?
48. What are the three most important things in your life?
49. What dreams for your life have you still yet to realize?
50. What could we do (even if it was hard or risky) to make some of our life dreams come true?

Test your partner on their thoughts about meaningful topics with these deep questions to ask your partner.

Experientially intimate question to ask your partner

These questions to help build intimacy are around experiential intimacy. This is the kind of intimacy you develop when you do things with your partner and bond over doing that activity.

Experiential intimacy is one we often forget about but it’s a super important part of the relationship.

It’s through doing things together that we create memories. We also can learn a lot about each other through how we cope in novel (and sometimes stressful) situations. It’s one of the reasons no-one would ever see me on a reality tv show with my husband!

1. What fun things did we do in our dating days you’d like to bring back?
2. What’s the most fun time we’ve ever had together?
3. What’s the most rewarding time we’ve ever had together?
4. What small, shared activities do you enjoy doing together?
5. What’s the worst date experience we’ve ever had?
6. How could we improve our date nights?
7. What would our perfect date involve?
8. What kind of activities are a no-no for you?
9. What’s an activity you’d like to try together?
10. Out of the vacations we’ve had, which one did you enjoy the most and why?
11. Do you prefer more frequent weekend getaways or longer overseas trips?
12. Where would you like to travel to as a couple?
13. What place holds your fondest memories of us?
14. What kind of things do you imagine us doing as we move through each stage of our lives?
15. What does our perfect day look like to you?
16. If you made our 10 best experiences into a highlight reel, what would those experiences be?
17. What traditions would you like us to start as a couple?
18. What rhythms of our day to day life do you enjoy the most?
19. What activities make you feel the most connected to me?
20. How would you like us to celebrate our next anniversary?
21. How would you like to celebrate our 50th anniversary?
22. How could we get more involved in community activities?
23. What’s an activity that makes you feel alive?
24. What would you like to spend more time doing?
25. What food do you enjoy eating the most?
26. What new skill would you like to master before you die?
27. What’s your ideal Friday night?
28. What’s your ideal Sunday morning?
29. What was your favorite birthday celebration?
30. How would you like to celebrate your next milestone birthday?

Physically intimate questions to ask your partner

Physically intimate questions don’t really need a definition! These questions are about what you do between the sheets (or wherever it is you choose to get some action!).

1. What’s your favorite thing for me to do to you in bed?
2. What’s something you’d like to try that we’ve never done?
3. What’s your ideal amount of times per week to be intimate?
4. What is your fave thing to do to get in the mood?
5. What would you be happy to physically never do again?
6. Are there any fantasies you have that you’d like us to try?
7. How could I touch you more?
8. Do I touch you enough out of the bedroom?
9. Do I touch you enough in the bedroom?
10. What’s the most sensitive (not ticklish!) part of your body?
11. What’s one thing we could do to improve our love life?
12. Where do you most like to be kissed?
13. What part of my body do you like the best?
14. What’s your favorite position?
15. How do you feel about touching and kissing in public?
16. Where’s your favorite place to get busy?
17. What time of day do you prefer to be intimate?
18. Do we kiss enough in our marriage?
19. What’s your favorite memory of us in bed (or not in bed!) together?
20. What’s your vision of a perfect night in bed together?

These intimate questions for couples are perfect if you’re wanting to deepen the connection in your relationship.

Whether you want to focus on emotional, experiential, or physical aspects of your connection, these questions will help you feel closer.

Just remember to take it slow, listen fully and keep your defensiveness at the door. Open minds make for open hearts.

You might also like: Questions for couples.