Life pulling you away from your spouse rather than together? Rediscover each other with these questions to ask your spouse to reconnect.
When you go on your first date, you’re asked questions.
When you meet the parents, you’re asked questions.
But as first times slip into frequent experiences, chances are you’re not asked so many questions any more – at least, not questions that matter.
After all, asking if you want a second serving of brownie isn’t what a deep and meaningful connection is founded on, even if it does satisfy your stomach.
That’s why I’m a big fan of asking questions in a relationship – as part of date night, when you’re on a road trip, or simply sitting on the couch binge watching shows.
Depending on the mood, there’s plenty of questions to ask. My faves include intimate questions for couples and romantic questions for couples.
You might also like: Questions for couples.
But these categories of questions aren’t quite right when you feel like you’ve lost that loving feeling… even if it’s just a little.
That’s why these are different kinds of questions – questions to improve your marriage, questions to deepen intimacy – simply put, questions to ask your spouse to reconnect.
Before you start asking these questions, however, here’s a few things to keep in mind.
These questions are not a checklist to be raced through in one sitting. Think about taking your time to ask each one, and really listen to the answer before you offer up your own response.
In addition, try to leave your defensiveness at the door.
A long time ago, someone said to me that we only react to things we believe to be true about ourselves. Remember that before you tell them why they are wrong.
Finally, aim to fully focus.
These questions are designed to help you reconnect, so it makes sense that you’re not on your phone or computer, doing some other task, or watching Netflix when you’re asking them.
Be present.
Questions to ask your spouse to reconnect
- What do you remember about the first time we met?
- When did you first realize you were in love with me?
- What are your favorite qualities of mine and why?
- What were your hopes and dreams for us as a couple when we first committed to each other?
- Have we achieved those dreams? If not, which ones would you still like us to go after now?
- Tell me about a time I made you feel really loved.
- What kind of things make you feel loved?
- Is there anything I used to do that you loved that I don’t do anymore?
- When do you feel the happiest?
- When do you feel the saddest?
- What do I do that hurts you – unintentionally or otherwise?
- What is missing from our lives right now?
- How do you think we could fix what’s missing?
- What’s the main thing you need from me?
- What are some goals for our marriage you’d like to set?
- What so-called irritating quirk of yours would you like me to get over?
- What do I (or don’t I) do that makes you feel appreciated?
- What do I (or don’t I) do that makes you feel respected?
- What do you think our strengths are as a couple?
- What do you think our weaknesses are as a couple?
- How can I be a better spouse to you?
- How can we be a better team?
- What do you think our values are as a couple? Are there any we should delete or add?
- What dream of yours could I support you with, and what would that support look like?
- What kind of things could we do to add more excitement and fun to our relationship?
- What kind of date night activities could we plan to experience more joy in our relationship?
- What’s the number one cause of tension or disconnection in our marriage right now?
- What are you the most excited about for our future?
- If you were on the outside looking in at our relationship, what would you see? Are you happy with this?
- Close your eyes and imagine us a happy old couple. What are we doing that shows how connected we are?
These questions to ask to reconnect with your spouse are designed to increase the emotional intimacy between you, so you return to being part of that awesome team that is you.
Consider asking one a week during your weekly relationship meeting.
And if you need more help, you might like to look at these important relationship questions for key relationship stages and regular check ins.