Important relationship questions to ask to keep connected

These relationship questions cover those to ask both at regular check-ins and at key stages of your relationship. Use them to keep connected to your partner no matter what’s going on or what life stage you’re in.

When you’re in a relationship of any long standing, it can be easier than you’d think to start taking each other for granted.

And taking each other for granted doesn’t simply mean that you think they’ll always be there – no matter what.

It also means thinking that you know all there is to know about each other and about your relationship – including how you’ll handle those inevitable life transitions. That you know what makes the other person happy, what’s important to them, and what their hopes and dreams are for the future.

This can be a dangerous place to be because it can be hard enough to know those things for yourself -much less someone else.

And when you think you know all the things about your loved one, you can end up taking them for granted.

Taking the time to ask each other questions can be a quick fix to this problem. Now, I’m not talking about fun relationship questions. These have their place during date night or other occasions where you’re wanting to learn more about each other in a lighthearted way.

I’m talking about relationship questions that are designed to make sure that you and your partner are still on the same page. Some of these relationship questions are designed to be asked at a regular intervals and some are designed for transition times in your life as a couple.

Now it’s during those transition times that it’s even more important to connect and ensure you have a deep understanding and acceptance of where the other person is at. You need to know what they’re both thinking and feeing about these upcoming changes so you can embrace them together.

Those key stages in a couple’s life include before you get married, before having children (if that’s what you decide or are able to do), before or just as you hit the empty nest, and before you retire.

You may also like: Questions for couples.

Six monthly “check-in” relationship questions

These are the relationship questions that I suggest you ask each other at least every six months :as a tool for reflection and review – a kind of the “state of the nation” situation. If you’re long distance, they can also be asked with these long distance relationship questions.

1. What’s the best thing about our daily life together?
2. Are we happy with the current level of physical intimacy in our relationship? If not – what will we do about it?
3. Are we planning and going on dates on a regular basis? If not, what will we do about it?
4. Have we celebrated special occasions in our relationship so far this year? If not, why not?
5. What has been our relationship highlight so far this year / this year?
6. What did we learn from that highlight?
7. What has caused the biggest stress this year in our relationship?
8. What did we learn from that stress?
9. What would we like to do more of in our relationship?
10. What would we like to do less of in our relationship?

Want a more frequent check in? Try having a weekly relationship meeting.

Relationship questions to ask before marriage

Marriage marks one of the most significant transitions in your life as a couple. There are so many important questions to ask before you get married, ranging from the role of in-laws through to how to handle your money, that I have a whole separate article on them.

However these 10 questions are samples from each category to get you thinking.

1. What’s the most important thing to know about your parents?
2. What role do you see our extended family playing in our day to day lives?
3. What do you need in order to feel fulfilled physically?
4. How do we handle it if our drives differ, especially during difficult seasons?
5. What goals should we have around debt repayment and wealth-building?
6. Should we keep our accounts separate, joint, or a combination of both?
7. What does “for better or for worse” mean to you?
8. What does an ideal marriage look like?
9. How might the way we deal with conflict cause more problems / make things easier when we’re married?
10. What process will we use when making major decisions?

Click the link to read the rest of these questions to ask before marriage.

Relationship questions to ask before having children

The thing about having children is there’s so many unknowns. Unless you’ve had children in a previous relationship or been a step-parent, you may be blown away by how much your life will change once kids are on the scene. Therefore it’s important to acknowledge that your responses to these relationship questions may change and that communication lines need to be kept open.

1. Why do you want children?
2. How many children do you imagine having?
3. Knowing that there’s probably never a perfect time, why should we try for a baby now?
4. Knowing that we won’t know how we’d really feel until we were in the situation, how far would you be prepared to go if we couldn’t get pregnant or carry a baby easily?
5. How would we handle our finances if one of us stops working to care for our family?
6. Who would be the primary caregiver in the first two years?
7. What kind of parent would you like to be?
8. What kind of childhood would you like to create for our children?
9. What are your thoughts around managing children’s behavior?
10. What family values are important to you?

Relationship questions to ask before you hit the empty nest

If you’ve had children the the empty nest can seem either a little frightening or a little exciting. Move more from the former to the latter with these relationship questions around empty nest life that start from the specific and concrete and move out to the more abstract.

1. How can we celebrate this milestone together?
2. How will having an empty nest change our current weekday schedule?
3. How will having an empty nest change our weekend schedule?
4. What will we do with the kids’ bedrooms?
5. In what ways might our child / children need us differently now?
6. What new things could we do with all the free time we’re about to have?
7. What experiences could we cultivate to get to know each other again?
8. What opportunities does this stage of life bring us?
9. How can we maximize these opportunities?
10. What dreams do we have for this next stage of our life together?

You might also like: Questions to ask your spouse to reconnect.

Relationship questions to ask before retirement

With my dad having decided to retire earlier this year, I have to say, I’m more than a little envious of how he and my step-mother are getting to spend their time. Retirement their way looks a lot of fun – but it does take vision. Otherwise you’re sitting around watching Netflix all day while your brain goes to mush.

These relationship questions help ensure you’re looking at retirement through the same lens.

1. Should we retire at the same time?
2. Would you like to move to another location when we retire? If so, where?
3. How important is it for us to be geographically close to our children / siblings / parents in retirement?
4. Should we downsize?
5. How will we manage our finances during our retirement?
6. What role might paid employment or volunteer work play in our retirement?
7. How will we stay fit and healthy in retirement?
8. What new hobbies would you like to develop individually and as a couple in retirement?
9. What places would you like to vacation to during our retirement?
10. What does an ideal day look like in retirement?

One of the most fabulous thing about being in a relationship is that even in a stable and loving partnership, there is always change. With that change comes the opportunity for growth.

To ensure that growth keeps you entwined together, take the time to ask these relationship questions as part of a regular check-in and whenever you encounter those key transitions together.