The best strengths dates for couples

Dive into a world of positivity, connection, and self-discovery with these strengths dates for couples.

If you know me, you’ll know I love positive psychology. I credit my study in it with ditching a draining teaching career, achieving clarity and alignment on my values, and getting happier all round.

You can imagine that all this had a positive effect on my relationships too, especially my marriage.

So it’s perhaps no surprise that you can find tips on how to apply positive psychology principles to your love life here at My Sweet Home Life.

For example, I used the PERMA model (positive emotions, engagement, relationships, meaning and accomplishments) of positive psychology to create a 30 day marriage challenge.

Now, strengths are part of the E in PERMA and knowing and using your strengths (because action is key) are one of the key things you can do to flourish in life.

We can also use our strengths to uplevel our date night experience.

Why strengths dates?

Having a strengths-focused date can be a meaningful and beneficial experience for several reasons:

1. Self-discovery: A strengths date allows you and your partner to learn more about yourselves and each other. You can gain insights into your individual character strengths and understand how they influence your actions and choices (this also makes it a great choice for a solo date).
2. Positive focus: It shifts the focus of the date toward positive attributes and qualities, promoting a more optimistic and uplifting atmosphere. This can enhance your overall mood and wellbeing.
3. Strengths-based relationships: By exploring your character strengths together, you can identify areas of compatibility and complementarity (that’s a mouthful) in your relationship. Understanding each other’s strengths can help you appreciate and support one another better.
4. Effective communication: Discussing your character strengths can improve communication between you and your partner. It allows you to express your values, priorities, and what matters most to you.
5. Relationship satisfaction: Research in positive psychology suggests that individuals who use their character strengths in their daily lives tend to experience greater happiness and satisfaction. Incorporating strengths into your relationship can contribute to its overall well-being.
6. Appreciation: A strengths date provides an opportunity to express appreciation and gratitude for your partner’s unique qualities and strengths, reinforcing a positive and loving atmosphere in your relationship.
7. Fun and creativity: Planning and engaging in activities that leverage your strengths can be fun and creative. It encourages you to think outside the box and come up with unique date ideas.

Overall, a strengths date can be a fun, insightful, and constructive way to strengthen your relationship, enhance self-awareness, and promote a positive and supportive atmosphere between you and your partner.

Sold yet? Let’s look at how to plan one.

How to plan a strengths date

Planning a strengths-focused date involves considering both your and your partner’s character strengths and selecting activities that allow you to leverage and celebrate those strengths.

Let’s step it out.

Identify your character strengths: Each of you take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths (or a similar assessment) to identify your top character strengths here. It’s free but you do need to register.

Discuss your strengths: Share your results with each other and have a conversation about what your top strengths mean to you. Discuss how you see these strengths show up in your daily lives.

Identify shared strengths: Determine if there are any character strengths that both of you share. These shared strengths can be a focal point for your date.

Brainstorm strengths-based activities: Brainstorm a list of activities that align with your individual and shared strengths. Consider how each activity can help you express and utilize those strengths.

Prioritize activities: Narrow down your list to a few activities that you both find appealing and that you believe will be enjoyable and meaningful.

Plan the date: Decide on a date and time for your strengths-focused date. Make sure it fits both of your schedules and allows for a relaxed and unhurried experience.

Prepare for the date: Depending on the chosen activities, prepare any materials or reservations you might need in advance. This might include gathering art supplies, booking tickets to an event, or making reservations at a restaurant.

Enjoy your date: On the day of the date, make an effort to engage fully in the chosen activities. Focus on applying your strengths and encourage your partner to do the same.

Reflect and discuss: After the date, take some time to reflect on the experience. Discuss how your strengths played a role in the activities and how it affected your connection as a couple.

Express gratitude: Express gratitude for your partner and their strengths. Let them know how their unique qualities enhance your relationship.

Feedback and adjustments: Ask for feedback from your partner on the date. What did they enjoy most? Was there anything that could be improved?

Plan future strengths dates: If you both enjoyed the experience, consider planning more strengths-focused dates in the future using what you found out above. You can continue to explore different strengths and activities together.

Remember that the goal of a strengths date is not only to celebrate individual strengths but also to foster a deeper connection and understanding between the two of you.

You can appreciate and support each other in a strengths-focused context while creating memorable experiences.

You can see why there’s much to love.

Now to unpack the strengths and see what date ideas match.

VIA character strengths

While there are many, many different strengths tools about, for the purpose of these strengths dates, we’ll be using the VIA character strengths (VIA standing for Virtues in Action).

These were developed by psychologists Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman. Seligman especially is a key player in the positive psychology space.

They identified 24 universal character strengths valued across cultures and contribute to human wellbeing.

These strengths are organized within the six core virtues of wisdom, courage, humanity, justice, temperance and transcendence.

If you didn’t do the assessment above, you can find the link here.

Wisdom

Wisdom is divided into the following sub-strengths:

• Creativity: Thinking of new and productive ways to do things.
• Curiosity: Taking an interest in ongoing experience for its own sake.
• Open-mindedness: Thinking things through and examining them from all sides.
• Love of learning: Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge.

Date ideas connected to these strengths

Creativity strengths dates

• Visit an art studio and create your own artworks.
• Try a DIY craft night, making unique creations together.
• Experiment with cooking and invent your own recipes.
• Participate in a brainstorming session for a shared project or goal.
• Attend a live performance or art exhibit and discuss your interpretations.

(Here’s other creative date ideas).

Curiosity strengths dates

• Explore a new neighborhood or town you haven’t visited before.
• Take a day trip to a nearby city to learn about its history and culture.
• Attend a lecture or workshop on a topic you’re both curious about.
• Have a “question of the day” to explore each other’s thoughts (try these questions for couples or our app which has a question of the day feature)
• Start a joint journal where you jot down questions and seek answers together.

Open-mindedness

• Plan a themed dinner night where you try foods from different cultures.
• Visit a place of worship different from your own and learn about its practices.
• Watch a documentary or read a book on a controversial topic, discussing both sides.
• Practice active listening during your conversations, respecting each other’s viewpoints.
• Attend a diversity and inclusion workshop or event in your community.

Love of learning

• Enroll in an online course or workshop together.
• Visit a historical site or museum to delve into new subjects.
• Read and discuss a non-fiction book or educational article.
• Take turns teaching each other something you’re knowledgeable about.
• Challenge each other with trivia quizzes or intellectual games.

Courage

Courage encompasses the following:

• Bravery: Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain.
• Perseverance: Finishing what one starts.
• Honesty: Speaking the truth and presenting oneself in a genuine way.
• Zest: Approaching life with excitement and energy.

Date ideas connected to these strengths

Bravery

• Go on a thrilling adventurous date like skydiving or bungee jumping.
• Confront a fear together, whether it’s public speaking or trying a new food.
• Share personal challenges and vulnerabilities with each other.
• Set mutual goals that require stepping out of your comfort zones.
• Take a spontaneous road trip to an unfamiliar destination.

Perseverance

• Work on a long-term DIY project or home improvement task.
• Take a dance or music class together and practice regularly.
• Commit to a fitness challenge or training program as a couple.
• Start a joint savings goal for a big future adventure or purchase.
• Explore a couples hobby that requires dedication, such as learning a musical instrument.

Honesty

• Have a heart-to-heart conversation about your dreams and aspirations.
• Practice radical honesty by sharing your thoughts and feelings openly.
• Apologize for past mistakes and discuss how to move forward.
• Write heartfelt letters to each other, expressing your true emotions.
• Attend a couples’ therapy or communication workshop to strengthen honesty.

Zest

• Attend a live music concert and dance the night away.
• Go on a spontaneous road trip without a set itinerary.
• Try adrenaline-pumping activities like indoor rock climbing or go-kart racing.
• Participate in a colorful fun run or obstacle course race.
• Create a bucket list of exciting activities to do together and start checking them off.

Humanity

Humanity includes these sub-strengths:

• Love: Valuing close relationships with others.
• Kindness: Doing favors and good deeds for others.
• Social intelligence: Being aware of the motives and feelings of other people.

Date ideas connected to these strengths

Love

• Plan a surprise romantic getaway or staycation.
• Write love letters to each other and exchange them during dinner.
• Create a scrapbook of your favorite memories together.
• Take turns preparing and serving each other breakfast in bed.
• Spend quality time cuddling, sharing stories, and expressing affection.

Kindness

• Volunteer at a local animal shelter and care for rescue animals.
• Randomly pay for the meal or coffee of the person behind you in line.
• Organize a donation drive and deliver supplies to a charitable organization.
• Bake treats together and deliver them to neighbors or friends.
• Create care packages for homeless individuals and distribute them together.

Social intelligence

• People-watch at a busy park or cafe and make up stories about passersby.
• Attend a social event or networking function, practice your social skills and debrief the experience after.
• Host a dinner party and engage in deep conversations with your guests.
• Visit a cultural festival or international fair to learn about different traditions.
• Take a relationship-building course or workshop to enhance your social intelligence.

Justice

Justice includes the below:

• Teamwork: Working well as a member of a group or team.
• Fairness: Treating all people fairly and impartially.
• Leadership: Encouraging a group of which one is a member to get things done.

Date ideas connected to these strengths

Teamwork

• Join a local sports league or recreational team together.
• Collaborate on a home improvement project, such as redecorating a room.
• Participate in team-building activities or challenges.
• Play cooperative board games that require teamwork and strategy.
• Volunteer as a team for a community service project or charity event.

Fairness

• Organize a friendly debate night and take opposing viewpoints on issues.
• Create a “fairness jar” where you both contribute ideas for fair compromises.
• Take turns planning date nights to ensure fairness in decision-making.
• Support a cause together, attending rallies or events advocating for fairness.
• Discuss current events and social justice issues, seeking ways to promote fairness.

Leadership

• Plan and lead a group date with friends.
• Take charge of organizing a surprise date night for your partner.
• Mentor a younger family member or friend in a skill or hobby.
• Attend a leadership seminar or workshop as a couple.
• Serve on a committee or volunteer board for a community organization.

Temperance

Temperance encompasses the following four sub-strengths:

• Forgiveness: Forgiving those who have done wrong.
• Humility: Letting one’s accomplishments speak for themselves.
• Prudence: Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks.
• Self-regulation: Regulating what one feels and does; being disciplined.

Date ideas connected to these strengths

Forgiveness

• Write forgiveness letters to each other, addressing past grievances.
• Practice meditation and mindfulness techniques to let go of resentment.
• Reflect on personal growth and forgiveness in a journal.
• Attend a couples’ therapy session focused on forgiveness and healing.
• Make a pact to forgive each other for small daily annoyances.

Humility

• Share stories of personal failures and lessons learned.
• Practice active listening and acknowledge each other’s perspectives.
• Take humility challenges, such as admitting when you’re wrong.
• Attend a humility-focused workshop or seminar.
• Engage in acts of service or volunteer work to stay grounded.

Prudence

• Plan a budget-friendly date night and stick to it.
• Set mutual financial goals and work together to achieve them.
• Create a savings plan for future adventures or investments.
• Attend a financial literacy workshop or seminar.
• Research and discuss long-term planning, such as retirement or home ownership.

Self-regulation

• Practice meditation or mindfulness exercises together.
• Set personal goals for self-improvement and support each other in achieving them.
• Create a healthy daily routine and stick to it as a couple.
• Attend a stress management or self-control workshop.
• Try a “no-spend” day or weekend to practice self-regulation in spending.

Transcendence

These sub-strengths fit within transcendence:

• Appreciation of beauty and excellence: Noticing and appreciating beauty and excellence in various aspects of life.
• Gratitude: Being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen.
• Hope: Expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it.
• Spirituality: Having a sense of purpose and meaning in life.

Date ideas connected to these strengths

Appreciation of beauty and excellence:

• Plan a weekend getaway to a beautiful natural setting, such as a cabin in the woods or a beachside cottage, to immerse yourselves in the beauty of nature.
• Explore an art gallery or museum together, appreciating the creativity and excellence of various artists’ works.
• Go on a photography expedition, capturing the beauty of your surroundings and sharing your favorite shots with each other.
• Take a scenic drive along a picturesque route, enjoying the breathtaking views and stopping for picnics along the way.
• Practice yoga or meditation during a sunrise or sunset, connecting with the beauty and serenity of the moment.

Gratitude:

• Set aside time during your date to write in gratitude journals, listing the things you’re thankful for in each other and in life.
• Exchange handwritten thank-you notes expressing your appreciation for each other and your relationship.
• Take a leisurely walk together, verbally sharing the things you’re grateful for as you enjoy each other’s company.
• Spend your date volunteering at a local charity or community event, practicing gratitude for the ability to give back.
• Create a special gratitude ritual, like lighting candles and sharing your daily appreciations over a cozy dinner date at home.

Hope:

• Make a couple’s vision board, envisioning your future goals, dreams, and aspirations as a couple.
• Discuss and plan the items on your individual and shared bucket lists, sparking hope and excitement for the future.
• Write letters to your future selves, outlining your hopes and expectations for your relationship and personal growth.
• Renew your wedding vows or create your own heartfelt vows, rekindling hope for a bright future together.
• Spend a night stargazing, sharing your hopes and dreams under the vast night sky.

Spirituality:

• Attend a meditation retreat or workshop together, deepening your spiritual connection.
• Explore different places of worship and engage in quiet reflection and prayer together.
• Connect with nature through hiking or camping, contemplating the spiritual aspects of the natural world.
• Keep a shared journal where you both write about your spiritual experiences, questions, and insights.
• Select spiritual or philosophical books and discuss them, exploring their impact on your beliefs and values.

The beauty of a strengths-focused date is that it is not limited to a single occasion; it’s a philosophy that can bring a sense of purpose and direction to your relationship as you embrace and apply your strengths in your everyday interactions, supporting one another in becoming the best versions of yourselves.

So, as you plan your next date night, consider the possibility of strengths dates. They’ll not only deepen your bond but also illuminate the strengths that make your relationship, and you both, remarkable.

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