5 lists to make to change your relationship
What if the path to a stronger, more connected partnership was as easy as making a few lists? Whether you’re looking to spark excitement, improve communication, or resolve ongoing conflicts, these lists to change your relationship will shift the dynamics of your partnership.
Relationships are a journey. Some moments are magic, and some are, to be honest, mundane.
While it’s not reality to expect unicorns and rainbows year after year, if your relationship scales are tipping over to the mundane side, consider some small, simple changes that can breathe new life into your connection.
One powerful way to do this? Lists.
As a list lover from way back, perhaps it’s no surprise that I believe creating lists for your relationship can help you shift perspectives, uncover patterns, and spark new conversations.
Contents
Why lists work in relationships
There’s something about writing things down that makes everything clearer.
It helps to organize thoughts, reduce overwhelm, and encourage action.
The same is true when it comes to relationships.
Lists help partners focus on what’s important, identify areas that need attention, and take steps toward positive change. Plus, the act of creating lists together fosters communication, collaboration, and connection.
Sold? Here’s some lists I suggest.
Lists to make to change your relationship
Gratitude lists
What it is: A list of things you appreciate about your partner.
Why it works: In relationships, it’s easy to focus on the negatives – things that annoy you or unresolved issues.
A gratitude list shifts your mindset by focusing on the positives.
When you actively look for things to appreciate, your attitude changes, and so does your relationship.
How to do it: Each day or week, write down at least one thing you are grateful for in your partner.
It can be something big, like how supportive they were during a tough time, or something small, like how they made your coffee just the way you like it.
Example:
- I’m grateful for the way you make me laugh, even when I’m stressed.
- Thank you for listening to me vent about work yesterday.
- I appreciate how you always check in with me throughout the day.
This simple practice can foster an atmosphere of appreciation and connection, allowing you to rediscover all the little things that made you fall in love.
Make sure you share it with your partner too!
You might also like: How to show your husband you appreciate him.
Conflict resolution lists
What it is: A list of recurring conflicts and possible resolutions.
Why it works: Every couple has arguments, but the key to a healthy relationship is how you handle them. By identifying patterns in your conflicts, you can work together to either resolve them more effectively.
How to do it: Write down recurring arguments or points of tension. Next to each issue, jot down both partners’ perspectives and brainstorm potential solutions. This helps to avoid knee-jerk reactions in the heat of the moment and encourages calm, constructive conversations.
Example:
- Issue: Chores aren’t getting done regularly.
- Partner A’s perspective: I feel like I’m doing most of the housework.
- Partner B’s perspective: I don’t always know what needs to be done.
- Solution: Create a shared to-do list where both partners can see what needs attention.
You might also like: How to get help with the housework.
Having this list as a reference can prevent conflicts from escalating and remind both partners to approach disagreements with empathy and a problem-solving mindset.
Alternatively, given that some 69% of conflicts in a relationship are repeated and unsolvable (source), this may be a way of identifying those unique to your relationship so you can make a commitment to managing them.
Date night ideas lists
What it is: A collaborative list of fun, exciting, and sometimes spontaneous date night ideas.
Why it works: Routine can be a relationship killer, but keeping things fresh with new activities is a great way to inject fun and excitement back into your partnership.
How to do it: Sit down with your partner and brainstorm a variety of date ideas – anything from a simple at-home movie night to an adventurous weekend getaway. Make sure there’s a mix of activities that both of you will enjoy.
This site is chock-full of ideas for you to get inspiration from. Consider alphabet dates, 52 date jar ideas, or simply head to the date ideas category.
Example:
- Watch the sunset at the beach and have a picnic.
- Try a new recipe together and cook a fancy dinner at home.
- Go hiking at a nearby nature reserve.
- Plan a “mystery date” where one person picks the activity and the other doesn’t know what it is until you arrive.
When you’re both stuck on what to do, you can simply refer to the list for inspiration, making it easier to prioritize fun and connection.
You might also like: How and why to plan a regular date night.
Communication goals lists
What it is: A list of goals focused on improving communication between partners.
Why it works: Good communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. By setting specific communication goals, you can avoid misunderstandings and strengthen emotional intimacy.
How to do it: Identify areas where communication can improve, and set tangible goals for both partners. This might involve active listening, expressing emotions more clearly, or carving out time for regular check-ins.
Example:
- Listen without interrupting when my partner is sharing something important.
- Express appreciation at least once a day.
- Ask open-ended questions to encourage deeper conversations.
By consistently working on communication goals, you’ll build a stronger connection and minimize the risk of miscommunication.
Future vision lists
What it is: A list of shared dreams, goals, and aspirations for your relationship.
Why it works: When you and your partner have a shared vision for the future, it creates a sense of unity and purpose. Having shared goals also keeps the relationship exciting as you work toward something together.
How to do it: Sit down and talk about where you see yourselves in the next few years- both individually and as a couple. Write down both short-term and long-term goals, whether they involve career, travel, or personal development.
Example:
- Take a trip to Italy within the next two years.
- Start a new hobby together, like gardening or learning a new language.
- Plan a date night every other week, no matter how busy life gets.
Reviewing and updating this list regularly can keep you both on the same page and provide opportunities to support each other’s dreams.
You might also like: 101 marriage goals to jumpstart your relationship.
How to use these lists effectively
Creating these lists is just the first step. The real change happens when you actively use them.
Schedule regular times to review the lists together, such as during monthly check-ins or on a quiet Sunday afternoon during your weekly relationship meeting.
Approach this time with an open and non-judgmental attitude. Remember that the lists are a starting point for conversation, not a rigid set of rules.
As your relationship evolves, feel free to modify the lists or create new ones that better suit your current needs.
Flexibility is key to making these lists a lasting part of your relationship toolkit.
Relationships, like anything worth having, require intention and effort.
By making lists together, you’re not just writing words on paper – you’re creating a roadmap for a stronger, more connected partnership.
So grab a pen, start with one list today, and see how these simple changes can make all the difference.