Traveling as a couple: Essential tips and advice
For many people, traveling as a couple combines their two favorite things: their spouse and their taste for adventure. These couple travel tips will help you make the most of the experience and deal with the inevitable stress that comes with the journey.
The idea of traveling as a couple sounds fun, romantic, and the stuff of relationship goals.
However as someone who has traveled a few times with my husband, I know that traveling with your spouse can be a recipe for stress.
The last thing you want to do when you’re on a vacation that you’ve spent many months saving for and dreaming about is to let stress cause a fight with your husband.
In 2019, Ben and I went on not one but two international trips (we must have known what was coming in 2020).
I enlisted in the help of travel bloggers Lauryn Neas and Stephanie Perez to share their couple travel tips to make sure we had the best trip yet – and now you too can benefit from their advice.
Trust me, it’s just as relevant in 2024 as it was five years ago!
Lauryn Neas is a travel blogger living in Atlanta, Georgia. When she’s not out exploring the world, you can find her curled up with her laptop curating exciting and helpful travel content to fuel your wanderlust. Check out her travel blog LE Travels for more.
Stephanie Perez is a travel blogger living in Brisbane, Australia. Since having a child, Stephanie has loved introducing her young son to a world of travel and adventure. She shares her best family travel destinations and tips at her site Navigating Adventure – so check it out!
They’ll cover:
- positive effects of traveling
- typical causes of travel stress
- couple travel tips to avoid travel stress
- what to do when you have an argument while traveling
- their most stressful experiences when traveling as a couple
- and for Lauryn – why traveling as a couple has become her favorite thing
We’ll let Lauryn start!
Contents
When travel is a passion
My husband Eric and I have traveled all over the world together. When people ask how we can be gone for 2 to 3 weeks at a time without being at each other’s throats at the end, I tell them patience and learning to embrace the challenges that come with travel are key.
But while these two things are important, there’s so much more that goes into a successful trip with a spouse.
Traveling together has actually helped our relationship become stronger.
Traveling is very personal, and everyone does it differently, but Eric and I have found what works best for both of us together.
It has taken time and there are definitely moments when it hasn’t been easy, but traveling with him is something I’ve grown to love and I look forward to sharing that love with our children one day.
You see, I’ve always had a love for travel and I knew I could never be with someone who didn’t share that same passion.
While Eric never expressed to me that he had a passion for travel, I knew he’d grown up traveling the USA with his family. He talked about how much he loved those trips and hoped to do the same thing with his family one day.
I knew I might have to do a little convincing at some point, but I was sure I had not only found my partner in life but my partner in adventure.
Fast forward 10 years and we’ve now been all over the USA and 12 countries together. It hasn’t been easy, but traveling has been an essential part of the growth in our relationship as a married couple.
A person’s passions are important. Never let someone try and tell you that something you’re passionate about isn’t worth it.
If traveling is something you want to do but your partner isn’t as enthusiastic about it, start small. Choose a long weekend to travel somewhere close. Not only will you be able to explore somewhere new, but you’ll grow in your relationship together.
You might also like: Cheap weekend getaways for couples.
The positives effects of traveling with your spouse
There have been many positive effects of traveling with her husband that Lauryn has experienced.
A year into our marriage, I got the wild idea of spending three weeks traveling Europe.
Eric, being the practical, money-conscious half of our relationship, put his foot down and said no way. I knew I wanted this, so I spent the time researching so I could show him how we could make it work while sticking to our budget.
That trip was not only one of the best trips we’ve ever taken, but it helped us to see each other in a different, more positive, light.
Positive effects of traveling with your spouse include:
- Building a stronger bond – When you travel with someone else there are times where you’ll be faced with a scenario that isn’t ideal. Working through those tough moments together will strengthen your relationship. You’ll return home with a newfound bond that will help you through more than just tough travel moments.
- Creating memories – This one should be obvious, but I think it’s often underappreciated or so overused that it’s lost its draw.
Creating memories is vital to a relationship. Looking back on our trips is something I do often, especially when I find myself feeling a bit down. The memories we’ve created while traveling together are some of the best memories of my entire life. - Discovering new things about each other – You might think you know your partner, but there are so many things you’ll experience while traveling that you might not ever experience at home.
For instance, language barriers. I loved seeing Eric stumble his way through a French grocery store in Paris. Seeing him try to communicate with a grumpy old French grocer was both hilarious and telling. He was kind, humble, and he tried! He really tried…
But it was the way he interacted with this man that showed me another facet to his personality that I would have never seen had we not gone grocery shopping in Paris. - Problem-solving together – If you’ve never traveled outside of your own country, you may not know that traveling requires quite a lot of problem-solving skills.
You might miss a train or a flight which will affect the rest of your day. You’ll have to adjust all of your other trains or flights as well as make sure your accommodations will be okay with a later check-in.
Learning how to work through these different problems will not only strengthen your trust in each other but will also help later in life when different types of problems require solving.
Traveling has had many positive benefits for Stephanie and her husband as well.
When my husband and I first met, we quickly bonded over our interest in travel. Holidaying as a couple has given us the opportunity to learn about each other, to try new things together and to create lifelong memories.
Our home is filled with treasured photographs and artwork that we have collected on our travels, and each one reminds us of the fun, interesting and challenging times we have shared all over the world.
Travelling with a spouse gives you great insight into your relationship, and to grow closer together.
My first first vacation with my husband was to Bali for his birthday.
We had only been together for a few months and it was on this trip that I discovered his easy-going nature was a blessing at just the right times. While I felt pressured by people pushing for sales on the street, he brushed it off and reminded me not to take things too seriously.
On the same trip I realized how much we both loved learning about local cultures and making friends with local people. A little tradition of ours is to leave gifts to thank our new friends for their hospitality.
My husband’s generosity and kindness are traits I first discovered when travelling, and are just one of the reasons I fell in love with him.
My favorite memories with my husband are from our travels. It’s the day to day routine that builds a life with someone – but it’s the extra ordinary moments together that create your highlight reel of memories as your grow old.
When I look back on our life together so far, apart from our wedding and the birth of our child, it is the moments we shared in places like New York, Papua New Guinea, New Zealand, Bali, and around Australia, that make me smile the most.
Now that we have a son, our travel together has taken on a new meaning, as we seek out family-friendly holiday destinations and aim to introduce our child to a love of adventure.
Typical causes of travel stress
Lauryn knows that travel stress cannot be avoided.
Travel stress is real and you will experience it no matter how easy-going you are.
Experiencing that stress with another person can be a good and bad thing.
On one hand, you’re not alone. You will not have to go through tough situations by yourself.
But on the other hand, your partner might have a different opinion than you. They might want to solve the problem one way while you think it would be better solved another way.
Typical causes of travel stress and how to work through them
- Missing your transportation – It’s happened to every traveler at least once.
Whether it’s your fault or something else, missing flights, trains, or another form of transportation is bound to happen to you at least once.
If it does, don’t panic. Work together to find the next departure time or an alternative way to get to where you need to go. There is always a Plan B. - Dealing with difficult people – No matter where you go, there will always be difficult people to deal with.
It might be a rude waiter or maybe the hotel concierge has just decided they don’t like you for no reason at all.
Make a point to not let them get to you. My mother always taught me to “kill people with kindness” and I try to use that as much as possible.
If you notice your travel partner getting heated or upset with someone, take control of the situation. Step in and defuse. Let your spouse cool off for a minute while you try to work through the situation from a different angle.
Sometimes personalities clash for no reason at all. - Getting scammed or robbed – There is nothing that makes you feel smaller or more taken advantage of than getting scammed or robbed in another country. It’s one of the worst feelings and it happens to even the most seasoned travelers.
If this happens to you, first and foremost try to report it to police. Once you’ve dealt with the formalities of the situation, talk about it with your partner. Cry if you feel like it will help.
Situations like this can be traumatic, but going through it together can strengthen your bond.
Also, talking about it with the person who went through it with you will lessen the post-traumatic burden that many people carry with them after something like that. - Planning mistakes – I probably plan more for our trips than most people do. I love travel planning so much I even plan down to the tiny details like what we might buy at a grocery store in Germany. In fact, I wrote a whole article about my planning process from start to finish.
But I will be the first one to tell you, no matter how much you plan there will always be something you miss or something you can’t plan for.
On our first big trip, I beat myself up over the mistakes I made. But Eric reassured me none of those mistakes were that big of a deal. He made me realize that it was okay to make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes end up making even better travel memories. - Culture shock – Traveling to Cambodia was one of the most difficult places Eric and I have traveled to together. We experienced poverty like we had never seen before and it was the first place we traveled to where we both felt extremely uncomfortable.
This unease was something new to us and caused a little bit of bickering between us.
We quickly realized the root of our bickering and talked about what we were both feeling. Seeing the impoverished people and learning about their struggles affected us both tremendously and when we look back it’s something we feel like changed us for the better.
It was uncomfortable while we were immersed in it but we came out stronger with a better understanding of a culture we’ve been so far removed from in the western world.
It’s something we share and talk about often. - Fatigue/hunger – You may not realize it but being hungry and tired can really affect your mood. Ever heard the term “hangry”?
Something I quickly learned about Eric is that if he doesn’t get his rest I will not have him at his best.
I will get so excited about traveling to a place that I’ll forget to work in time to lay by the pool or just have a bit of unstructured time to wander around town with no plan. It’s something I’ve had to adjust so that we both get what we want.
The same goes for me and hunger. I barely ate while we were in Cambodia because I’m a bit picky. I lived on the protein bars I brought with me from home. The hunger made me a bit irritable so any time I was starting to get snappy, he knew to hand me a protein bar.
Stephanie also shares what she thinks are the common causes of travel stress when traveling as a couple.
- Blaming each other when things go wrong. Just like everyday life, things will go wrong when you travel. You can either take out your frustrations by placing blame on the other person or you can tackle the mishaps and solve your problems as a united team.
Whether your budget airline has just cancelled on you (yes we’ve been there) or you’ve left the credit card at the bar after a couple of cocktails (and done that too) – don’t take it out on your spouse.
Work together to find a solution and laugh about it later! - Poor communication. Spending 24/7 together in confined spaces like hotels and cars, tents or airplanes – in unfamiliar territory, with no time to decompress – is bound to place you both on edge at times.
Be aware of your triggers, and rather than holding it all in until one of you implodes – communicate your needs with each other.
Take some time out if you need, and spend the afternoon apart. Or politely explain to your partner that their leaving the toilet seat up and the air-conditioner on freezing mode is about to send you over the edge BEFORE it actually does. - Lack of planning, or too much planning. I believe that when travelling, there is a very fine line between planning too little, and planning too much. The right balance differs for each couple.
Plan too little, and you’ll find yourselves at risk of being stuck without accommodation, trying to sort out every single detail at the very last minute. Or plan too much and you’ll find yourselves spending too much time rushing around fitting in every last tour and sight, without it feeling like a holiday.
It takes a little bit of trial and error to find just the right amount of organization for you and your partner, and it needs to suits both of you.
Take time to work this out, to minimize the risk of travel stress.
Couple travel tips to avoid stress
Lauryn offers some advice about avoiding stress when traveling.
Learning about each other’s quirks, likes, and dislikes takes time.
Facing stressful situations together can bring out those quirks like you wouldn’t believe. But it’s how you react to those quirks and work together in those stressful situations that will strengthen your relationship rather than break it down
- Double check your plans – One of the best things you can do for yourself is to double check your plans. Look back on all of your hotel reservations, flights, trains, activities, etc. and ensure you have confirmation numbers, a person you can contact, and a way to pay.
This is the number one thing that will help you prevent travel stress. - Have a plan B – If there’s something you know might not work out, have a plan B.
For instance, we knew visiting the mountain peaks in Switzerland would be totally weather dependent. It was what we went there to see, so if we didn’t get to see them it would have been very disappointing.
We came up with alternative scenarios in the event our timing didn’t work out with the weather. Thankfully, those plans weren’t needed but had we needed them we wouldn’t have been stressed trying to figure out a plan on the spot. - Designate one traveler as the document keeper – When you travel on your own, you are in charge of everything. You have your passport, your tickets, and all of your documentation with you at all times.
But when you’re traveling with someone else, all of that can get chaotic when you’re going in and out of crowded, foreign airports and customs.
Designate one person to be the “keeper” of all documents. This will help you avoid the ever dreaded, “But I thought YOU had my passport!”
Eric doesn’t get as distracted as I do so he has always been our document keeper. Our passports, customs paperwork, tickets, and other important documents are on him in a folder at all times.
In the future when kids might be involved, already having this established routine will serve you well. - Discuss your fears – This might seem unnecessary to some, but traveling to a foreign place can be scary. It might be hard to admit fears you have about traveling, but it’s not healthy to keep them in.
Trust and openness are so important in a relationship.
If you’re scared or nervous about something before a trip, talk about it with your partner. Getting those fears out ahead of time can clue your partner into what situations they might need to be a bit more careful with as you’re traveling.
For instance, if you have no idea your partner is terrified of heights you might not be as understanding when they refuse to walk to the edge of a cliff in the Swiss Alps.
This can cause unnecessary frustration and stress all due to a lack of communication.
Stephanie has some similar advice.
My key strategies for preventing stress while on vacation with a partner are the same strategies I recommend for having a healthy and happy relationship in general.
- Accept your differences and compromise. Your husband might love to shop, while you’d prefer to be visiting museums and art galleries all day long. Ensure you both get time to enjoy the things you love while on vacation. Spend the morning pounding the pavement at the local markets, then stroll through the museum after lunch. Just like real life, it’s okay to split up and spend time apart on vacation occasionally – just make sure you come back together to talk about your experiences at the end of the day.
- Acknowledge each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and make the most of them. I am the organised one in the relationship – the one who plans ahead, drafts the itineraries, and hunts out the bargains. If I wait around for my husband to plan the logistics of our holidays, it won’t happen and we will both end up stressed.But if I’m looking for someone to charm the hotel staff into an upgrade, lug our heavy bags, handle a crisis, or pack our camping gear like a Tetris champion – my husband is the man for the job. Rather than focus on your partner’s perceived weaknesses, be grateful for their strengths and lean on them when it counts.
So you got in an argument. Now what?
Lauryn offers her tips on this scenario.
Imagine this: You’re in the magical land of Bali wandering through jaw-dropping rice terraces at sunrise. The sky is bursting with purples and blues and you have nearly the entire place all to yourself.
Sounds perfect, right?
Well, it was Week 2 of our trip to Asia and we were both starting to feel the exhaustion of everything we had done so far. Eric was not having it. He was tired, hungry, and kept making little comments about how our driver for the day seemed to not be as great as I thought (something I planned).
Normally, this wouldn’t bother me at all. I would just let it go and let him say whatever knowing it was probably just the exhaustion talking.
Not this time.
I broke down.
I started crying in the MIDDLE of Tegalalang Rice Terraces in Ubud, Bali.
We had come all this way and I had planned out this full day for us to explore the beautiful area of Ubud. I felt like Eric was taking it for granted and focusing on the negative when the day had barely even started.
I knew I probably planned too much and didn’t leave time for us to relax, which is something I’ve learned that Eric needs when he travels. When I travel, I like to do and see as much as possible that sometimes I push us too far.
I realized at this moment that Eric reached his breaking point and I had definitely pushed too far.
So while his attitude wasn’t fair to me in the moment, I was just as much to blame for pushing him to keep going when he really needed some time to relax and recharge.
So how did we move forward?
I couldn’t give Eric the rest he needed since we had just started our day, but we decided that we would just spend that afternoon by the pool doing nothing.
Then we hugged, said sorry, and continued on.
Fights happen. Bickering happens.
It’s both of your responses to those moments that will help you come out of it fast.
Once Eric saw how his comments were affecting me, he stopped and listened. Then I listened to him. We got to the root of the issue (exhaustion) and came up with a solution (relaxing by the pool).
Bottom line: When one or both of you seem agitated or not in a good mood, take a moment to listen to each other, then work out a solution to make both of you happy.
Stephanie also offers some advice.
My number one advice for diffusing an argument, no matter where it happens, is to ask yourself how important the issue really is.
If it’s not – then let it go.
Many experts share this wisdom, framed in different ways. ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’, ‘you can be right or you can be happy’ – what they’re all saying is just let it go!
Life is short – you’re on vacation. You can get all fired up about the fact your partner promised to pack your favorite dress and forgot, or that they ordered you the wrong meal because they weren’t listening but what will that achieve?
Ask yourself if it is really important enough that it’s worth ruining your experience together.
Love them for all the things they do right, and unless it’s major, forget the rest.
The best way to remember this important lesson is to remind yourself that you’re not perfect – and if you expect your spouse to forgive you of your flaws, you really should return the favor.
Our most stressful experience traveling as a couple
Lauryn has had her fair share of travel stress.
There have been many stressful experiences, but the most memorable one to date was when we traveled from Paris, France to Mürren, Switzerland.
It started with a train from Paris to Strasbourg which left around 6:00 am. Of course, because it’s how life is, our very first train of the day was canceled causing us to be placed on a train one hour after our scheduled departure.
We both panicked.
Coming from the US, neither of us were familiar with how train schedules worked or who we would need to talk to in order to figure out how to get on the next train out of Paris.
To top it off, the train station was full of panhandlers begging. A few panhandlers got a little too close for comfort and would not take no for an answer which just added to the stress of the situation.
Finally, someone helped us with our tickets and got us on the next train out of Paris. However, since we were on our way to another country, there was nothing they could do about our trains in Switzerland.
All went well until we arrived in Basel, Switzerland. The entire station was under construction and since we had to walk outside the station to get to our platform, we ended up missing our train by 1 minute.
The Swiss are always on time and this was our introduction to that very true characterization. By the time we reached Interlaken (3 stops away from our final destination), we had one hour to catch our breath.
We grabbed a beer at the hostel next to the train station when all of a sudden, a parade of Swiss people in traditional Swiss clothing came marching down the street lead by five drummers. It was unexpected and so charming. They even stopped by our table and played for a minute.
At that moment, the stress of the day melted away and I realized why it was all worth it.
We were sitting there sipping on Swiss beer at the base of the Swiss Alps taking in this wonderful culture together. It’s one of my most favorite and treasured memories.
It took 13 long hours of traveling on 5 trains, 1 cogwheel train, 1 gondola, and eventually a golf cart up to our hotel in Mürren.
It was one of the most stressful days we’ve ever experienced but it was all worth it to experience one of the most beautiful places we’ve ever been together as a couple.
Stephanie has also had her fair share of stressful experiences.
My husband and I have had our fair share of travel mishaps.
There was the time I unwisely ate the ice in Port Moresby and suffered from a stomach bug for over a week, or the time we fell for a common scam in Bali and found ourselves being ushered to a resort 20 minutes away for a timeshare sales pitch we weren’t interested in.
Then there was the time we wound up in Brooklyn on the subway, when we were due at the Yankees Stadium in the Bronx.
Each time we’ve become frustrated or annoyed at each other for something that has gone wrong, we inevitably end up laughing about it in no time.
Fortunately, we have never been in any real danger – we still have our health and each other, and as cliched as it sounds – that’s all that really matters.
Why traveling with my spouse has become my favorite thing
Lauryn feels strongly about the positive impact of travel on her marriage.
At the end of the day, travel is all in what you make of it.
You can choose to focus on the bad or you can see the tough moments as opportunities to grow your relationship. We’ve chosen the latter and our relationship has never been better.
With every trip we take we learn more about each other and love each other even more than before.
Eric is both my husband and my travel partner. I love seeing the different sides of him when we experience new places together and I love showing him new sides of me too.
I have always been a picky eater but for some reason when we travel I love to try absolutely everything. I even ate bugs in Cambodia (unknowingly, but still)!
It’s amazing what we are still learning about each other even after almost 5 years of marriage. Our family will grow and our lives may change, but the one constant is that we will never stop traveling together.
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