Questions to ask married couples about their relationship

Are you wanting to interview a married couple? Maybe your parents have their 50th wedding anniversary coming up and you want to record their history, or there’s a married couple you know, admire, and see as a role model for your own marriage whose brains you’d love to pick. These questions to ask married couples about their relationship will help you find out all you need to know.

Several years ago now, before my husband and I relocated regions not once but twice, I used to do volunteer work for the local hospice.

The job I had was that of a biographer. I would go and meet people who were dying and I would ask them questions then record their life story. It would then be typed up, often with photos, and given as a book to the person or to their family if they had already passed.

Doing these biographies was like both giving and receiving a special gift.

I was able to help a person make sense of their lives as they came to an end, and I was also given the privilege of sharing this time with them.

Questions for couples are some of my favorite things to write because I love how they encourage us to be deliberate and reflective in our engagement with our partners.

They’re guaranteed to be a more gripping conversation than what you have planned for dinner, that’s for sure.

Putting my past biographer experience alongside my love of couple’s questions, and you have this collection of questions to ask married couples about their relationship.

Depending on your purpose for asking the questions, I suggest either asking each person separately (it would be lots of fun to compare their answers!) or together.

For a history, I would opt for separate.

For fun, information and just learning their wisdom, I would ask them together. (If you’re getting married soon, I also suggest you check out these questions to ask before marriage).

You might also like: Favorite things questions for couples.

I also suggest you record the conversation rather than try write their responses. That will enable you to be more in the moment.

Finally, these questions are purely a guide – feel free to add, omit or edit in any way that suits.

Again, think about your purpose for asking them when working out which ones to include.

Questions to ask married couples about their relationship

The early years

1. Tell me the story of how you met.
2. What were your first impressions of X?
3. What did you do on your first date?
4. What were your main methods of communication then?
5. How did you know things were getting serious?
6. What did your families think of your new boyfriend or girlfriend?
7. When did you know that you would end up getting married?
8. Describe your engagement story.
9. What was something unexpected that happened at your wedding?
10. What was the most special part of your wedding?

Traditions

1. What traditions from your family of origin did you bring into your marriage?
2. What traditions did you start together?
3. How have you celebrated your anniversaries?
4. How have you celebrated Valentine’s Day?
5. Describe how Christmas has worked for you as a couple, including how it has changed over time.

You might also like: Christmas questions to ask your spouse.

Trials and tribulations

1. What has been the most challenging time during your relationship?
2. What other challenges have you experienced?
3. What did you learn about each other during these times?
4. How was your relationship strengthened by these experiences?
5. Looking back, is there anything you wish you’d handled differently?
6. How have you dealt with conflict in your relationship?
7. How has how you’ve dealt with conflict changed over time?
8. What world events have had an impact on your marriage?
9. How have changes in technology impacted your relationship?
10. Do you think what it means to be a good wife or husband has changed over the time you’ve been together?

The highlight reel

1. What has been the best part of your marriage so far?
2. Building on from that, what have been the top 10 moments in your relationship?
3. What’s your favorite thing about X?
4. What goals have you achieved as a couple?
5. What are you proudest of as a couple?
6. How have you kept the romance and fun in your marriage?
7. What is the best part of being married to X?
8. What is the best part of being married in general?
9. How has your marriage changed over the years?
10. What song, movie or book would be the most like your relationship?

Dreams for the future

1. What things do you still want to achieve as a couple?
2. What are your hopes for the rest of your marriage?
3. What is missing from your lives right now that you’d like to add or bring back?
4. How would you like to spend your next anniversary?
5. Do you have a dream vacation you’d still like to take together?

Relationship advice

1. What piece of advice would you give to your just-married self?
2. What is the best piece of relationship advice you were given, and by whom?
3. What practical things should couples be prepared for in marriage?
4. How do you think couples should handle their finances?
5. How important is physical connection in marriage?
6. How should a couple handle conflicts with parenting styles?
7. What’s the best way to make up after a fight?
8. What’s the most important thing for a husband /wife to know?
9. What role should friends, extended family, and community have in your marriage?
10. How should you handle housework and other chores?
11. What’s the best way to show appreciation to your spouse?
12. What boundaries should couples set for their marriage?
13. How do you keep going during hard times?
14. What do you do when you’re going through a period where you don’t feel that loving?
15. What’s your number one piece of advice for a successful marriage?

Summing up

These questions for married couples about their relationship are great for recording family history, asking a couple who’s been married 50 years, or simply to get some awesome marriage advice from people who treasure their relationship.